Anthropologist from Mars

If you are an anthropologist from Mars (yes, I am quite deluded about the reach of this blog) and you want to understand how Indian society has evolved in terms of mindsets, just watch the most popular movies of the decade.

Parents of friends have pointed to the different iconic movies. For example the madhubala song "jab pyaar kiya to darna kya" encouraged people to be brave about being in love. The tamil movie "kalyana parisu" in the late 60s was the first one where the heroine marries someone else after an unrequited love affair with the hero. Until then any female who was in love but didnt get to marry the hero usually died or became a nun. But as movies started showing that its alright for women to move on, I assume society started accepting it too. 

It works both ways- Movie makers put reasonably fresh societal opinions which will get accepted by the masses but they also strongly prompt a change in mindset. Especially influential heroes have the power to make a whole bunch of poeple change from being backward assholes to progressive members of society. Some of them use this power wisely- Aamir for example has made movies about generally not-talked about stuff like depression, dyslexia - all of which helps people become more accepting towards the off-beat characters of society. 

However the supposedly popular heroes SRK, Salman and in Tamil heroes like Vijay and Rajinikanth always seek to pander to already existing mindsets regardless of how retro they are, SRK has no respect for women and treats him as nothing more than objects, I am not going to get my blood to boiling point by talking about Salman. Our regional movies are no different- they are worse. There is no Rajini movie where the heroine isnt a saree-clad generally patient homely sweet submissive girl. Sathmeekam, as he himself charmingly calls it. Women in top positions in company can be nothing but arrogant ruthless monsters wearing Western clothes. They are not the ones to fall in love with-they are the ones who need to be put in their place ( Which is usually in the kitchen, in a saree). 

Vijay movies are quite the same. If he heroine wears Western clothes, it means he has the right to stalk her relentlessly, give her lecture about how precious her feminityand  virginity is and in general behave as if she is his property- therefore can choose to do with her whatever he pleases, yet, doesnt do it because he is the epitome of chivalry. There is no indication of the fact that anyone in the movie knows that the heroine is a separate human being with her rights and while our tamil culture upholding hero might not agree with her lifestyle, he has no right to impose his beliefs on her. The heroine dutifully falls for him after his relentless stalking culminates in him saving her from villians and promptly exchanges her knee-showing western clothes for waist-showing sarees and half-sarees.

I am not denying that its infinitely easier to do this. To pick the sweet homely Diana Penty over the party-hard independent Deepika. But when you are put in a position of infinite power, the power to shape the way an entire state thinks. when you can have the satisfaction of realising that you have brought society forward by just an inch, what sort of idiot would choose to maintain the status quo?

I wish our movie makers werent so lazy. 

Yes, thats me asking someone not to be lazy. Huh, OK. I will leave.  

How to be Awesome.

Why does self-help always get such a bad rap? Why are people so eager to proclaim that they dont read self-help books or that they have only used "How to win friends and infleunce people" as a paperweight? Its like a status thing- like the anti-apple. You portray that you are this kind of a person by vehemently denying any association with something. I can understand when mega serials, astrology and some weird thing like udayanidi stalin get this kind of a reaction. But to cast self-help books in the same category as megaserials is baffling.

I would understand this if people picked certain self-help guys and said " Oh that guy is terrible, i will never read any of his books" but too many people proclaim "Oh, self-help books are terrible I would never read them" . Maybe some say that because they are too bored to read and know that they wouldnt implement them anyway, but the tones of a lot of people indicate that they dont need a self help book, because they have really got everything they need.

Yes, I assume these people are born leaders, friendly yet stern when required, never procrastinate, never hold grudges, are extremely disciplined and organised , have never watched a single SRK movie in their lives-you know perfect human beings. Yet I find that hard to believe. The same is true of people who never admit to a single error of judgement in the past. Whats more likely-being so perfect that no mistake was made or being so deluded that you continue believing its right?

(And scarily enough, same is true of people who seek therapists assistance in order to help themselves. The amount of stigma attached to it is saddening as much as it is mind boggling. Why would you judge someone who goes to a doctor to feel better? Why is it such a  bad thing to admit that you are not in the best of places mentally and you want that to change? Why do we insist on calling these people pejoratives when there is no clear reason for us to ? Depression is as much a clinical condition as cancer. While cancer is seen as intervention of fate, depression is somehow considered the victim's fault)

I love self-help books. I might not follow most of the things I read but I love to read about it and imagine doing those things. if nothing it helps remind me that there is a huge scope for improvement in my life. I consider reading blogs of unconventional non-conformists in the category of self-help because I feel so thrilled and motivated and inspired when I read those.

Here..The Art of Non Conformity. Help yourself. 

Things I have changed my mind about

I have written about this before, theluxury to change your mind is one of the greatest favours you can do to yourself.  Here is a list of things I have changed my mind about.

1. Peeing on the roads: I used to get very angry with people who would simply stop anywhere and pee all over the place. I was amongst the outraged " How dare he" "Does he not have any civic sense" etc etc. But the more I visit places and think about it I ahve realised that for most people there are no other options- There arent enough public toilets, some people have to be on the road all day ( drivers, postmen etc) and at some point you have to let it out.

2.Chetan Bhagat : Like almost everyone else I know, I was a vociferous CB hater. But then I realised that he has made the best out of the absolute lack of talent and a great marketing bent of mind. And he isnt ashamed of it. Nor should he be. So my feelings for CB have gone from outright hatred to grudging acceptance sprinkled with small amounts of jealousy ( What? I would love to have been the one who made millions writing a book despite being consistently mediocre)

3. Atheism and theism: Have always been an atheist and I used to look at terribly religious people and wonder whats wrong with them. Now I am still an atheist, but I see great value in religion- the fear of God and a general sense of morality which religion confers and the presence of hope without which we would be doomed as a society. (I do sometimes wish I was a believer, because its just so much easier to lay the blame on someone and ask them to handle it for you, than taking it all upon yourself)

4. Saibaba: Even before I became an atheist I had long renounced vocally, all the godmen who promised all kinds of heaven on earth for the unsuspecting masses. Saibaba was then for me, an easy one to hate- his supposedly magical powers to cure the sick, his ability to materialsie vibuthi with a swipe of his hand and what not. But he has done a lot of good for the society- He did bring the Krishna water to Chennai ( presumably with a swipe of his hand ;) ) and he has built a hospital and educational institutions, all of which I truly respect. I am beginning to think he knew what he was doing and the only way to make groups of people donate money, follow him and to generally support him is by invoking the divinity in him. Either way- respect.

5. Travel: I am quite ashamed to admit that I was a fan of luxury travel. I cant be farther from that stand now so much so that my daydreams involve shoestring trips. I will leave it at that to hit myself for not going on exchange in my second year

6.FB status updates: I used to think that its an attention seeking activity performed by people who are so insecure that they need validation from the world that their life is exciting and everyone is envious of them. These days... gah who am I kidding, I still think the same and cant wait to trash them. I dont miss an opportunity to make fun of that habit and  console myslef that my life isnt as pathetic as it does seem when compared to their FB lives. Anyhow, so i am not going to change my stance on that one.
Atleast not right now.

What have you changed your mind about? 

Why we believe in the supernatural, godmen, the paranormal etc

The Infinite monkey cage is an extremely witty irreverent discussion hosted by the hilarious Robin Ince and the delectable Brian Cox. And in one of their discussions they touched upon a very beautiful point of uncertainty and control.

Humans hate uncertainty. Very few of us can thrive in an uncertain setting for long and we love to believe that we have control on whats happening around us. And when we lose someone important to us we hate to believe that we dont know whats happening with them and if some conman convinces you into accepting tio talk to your loved one, you will gladly fall for it despite being  scientific minded otherwise.
And same is the case with the multiple homams that godmen make people perform. To say that "Its because your ancestors are unhappy taht your son is falling sick" attributes a reason and thus something we can do something about and control, as compared to " sometimes shit happens". Instead of sitting simply we believe that we are actively doing something about the problem and that accords us a grip on the whole situation. This is always preferred over the whole " we are just pawns in the game of fate".

The same thing is true for multiple things- You were involved in a car accident because you had committed some sins in your past birth and now you are absolved of it sounds more soothing than " its was just a random occurrence, could have been anyone. Accepting that the universe is random and that you have to make the best of what it throws is not as easy as typing it. We always look for other solid reasons to know why this happened to us, what we can do so that it doesn't happen again etc.

And ghosts emerge from the lack of knowledge of what happens after death. To say that we just stop existing seems unacceptable to most of us so we fabricate stories about people continuing to exist after death and whats more, routinely visiting their past lives.

Thats what it ultimately comes down to. Your ability to handle uncertainty is inversely proportional to your belief in astrology, psychics, and other similar phenomenon.  Think about it- Is it easier to believe that someone voodoo conspried to make you hit the car, or to rationally wonder whether it was just a matter of probability?