How to be Awesome.

Why does self-help always get such a bad rap? Why are people so eager to proclaim that they dont read self-help books or that they have only used "How to win friends and infleunce people" as a paperweight? Its like a status thing- like the anti-apple. You portray that you are this kind of a person by vehemently denying any association with something. I can understand when mega serials, astrology and some weird thing like udayanidi stalin get this kind of a reaction. But to cast self-help books in the same category as megaserials is baffling.

I would understand this if people picked certain self-help guys and said " Oh that guy is terrible, i will never read any of his books" but too many people proclaim "Oh, self-help books are terrible I would never read them" . Maybe some say that because they are too bored to read and know that they wouldnt implement them anyway, but the tones of a lot of people indicate that they dont need a self help book, because they have really got everything they need.

Yes, I assume these people are born leaders, friendly yet stern when required, never procrastinate, never hold grudges, are extremely disciplined and organised , have never watched a single SRK movie in their lives-you know perfect human beings. Yet I find that hard to believe. The same is true of people who never admit to a single error of judgement in the past. Whats more likely-being so perfect that no mistake was made or being so deluded that you continue believing its right?

(And scarily enough, same is true of people who seek therapists assistance in order to help themselves. The amount of stigma attached to it is saddening as much as it is mind boggling. Why would you judge someone who goes to a doctor to feel better? Why is it such a  bad thing to admit that you are not in the best of places mentally and you want that to change? Why do we insist on calling these people pejoratives when there is no clear reason for us to ? Depression is as much a clinical condition as cancer. While cancer is seen as intervention of fate, depression is somehow considered the victim's fault)

I love self-help books. I might not follow most of the things I read but I love to read about it and imagine doing those things. if nothing it helps remind me that there is a huge scope for improvement in my life. I consider reading blogs of unconventional non-conformists in the category of self-help because I feel so thrilled and motivated and inspired when I read those.

Here..The Art of Non Conformity. Help yourself. 

Corpospeak

Yes, its serious discussion time. As it has always been on this blog. What? You had a feeling this wasnt a place for serious things? oh, whatever gave you that impression! Unbate your breath- The topic of discussion today is as serious as it gets- Career. Yes, you heard that right. I am talking about career. (What? No, I didnt hit my head or anything)

So I watched the last lecture by Randy Pausch and was touched (amongst other things) by the fact that he loved what he did for a living. And it shone through his speech. Wow, I wish I was that passionate about selling lightbulbs, I thought to myself. haha,you got me, no i didnt think that. I instead thought "oh god my life is a waste what am i doing oh shit i am going to die and the only thing that remains by way of legacy is... NOTHING oh shit oh shit" and so on. But after the waves in my brain had settled down a bit the question meekly resurfaced. " What is it that you should be doing, as a career"

I distilled the wealth of blogs and articles I read and came to these few points: What you love, your hobby, that which makes you feel like you arent working (Translates to you dont crib on monday morning and you arent depressed sunday night), that which makes a difference to other people's lives significantly in a positive way.

Of these, the last point was the easiest- Pretty much every decent job affects others positively- you arent a waitress- you bring coffee to many people before they get to work. And to realise how important that is, just meet them on a  morning they have been denied coffee. You arent simply laying bricks on a road- You are enabling trading and industry and so on.So pretty much anything that doesnt involve murder or drug dealing you can put a positive spin on. The only group which escaped this is the finance industry- Seriously, what DO you guys do?. But then, why are so few waitresses happy with their work despite knowing that they are so important in the grand scale of things? I have  a theory that you think your contribution is significant only if you bring your personal touch to the work you do. If there is just one way of pouring coffee or laying bricks and you come to teh conclusion that anyone can replace you tomorrow, you will be unhappy with your work. WHich is why I presume professors and researchers are the happiest- they are irreplacable. They might be wrong but they are wrong in a way only they can be.

So, that leaves us with the harder bits. How do you figure out what you do? Some people are extremely lucky to have their talents jump at them at a very young age. They know that they want to be a painter, a pilot, a car mechanic- whatever. The majority of us have to figure out what we want to do with absolutely no or little clue about our talents, abilities,likes and dislikes. As if these problemes werent enough our fickle minds decide midway that "Hmm.. you know this seemed like a reallly good idea a few years back, but now.. THIS SUCKS! I want OUT!" So most of us stumble through life miserably, waiting for weekends like prisoners waiting for their weekly conjugal visits, and are released when we are too old to do anything. We try hobbies, vacations, and other things that clearly target the symptoms and leave the root causes intact.
<Why cant we change our career when we feel like? Society (that nasty bitch!) dictates that you ought to have a stable job, you ought to get these promotions at these times, you ought to switch jobs after a point so that your valuation goes up without giving two hoots about how happy you are. But society also keeps quiet when masses are murdered, when there is injustice all around us so she really really doesnt know what she is talking about. And this is a recurring theme in this blog- You always have to pick yourself over society, you have to pick desires over fear and you have to pick uncertain and interesting over certainly mundane. So, now that the mandatory society bitching is done, we can
get back to the point. >

If you have bothered to listen to other people and what they tell you- particularly those who arent scared of you, you should have a very good idea of what you are good at and what you arent. And pick a career choice based on that.
So I thought hard about all the feedback I have received in my life: And here are the things I am exceptionally good at
1) Being sarcastic
2) Being lazy
3) Being mean to people who are stupid ( or those who dont agree with me-SAME THING BITCHES)
And here are the things which are areas of improvement ( Corpo-speak for "You suck at these things")
1) People skills
2) Negotiation skills
3) Discipline
4) Being organised and smart
5) Decision making
6) Networking
Etc
So after analysing my strengths and weaknesses I have come to the conclusion that I should become a host for News Night on Times now. . SIGH! Apparently thats already taken!

Seriously though ( yes guys, I wasnt kidding when I said this is a serious post) I tried and tried to come up with a role that would fit my personality. There is just nothing feasible. So like a prisoner who decides to make the best of his conjugal visits ( pardon my analogy) I have decided to work on my hobbies, my vacations ( which will henceforth be referred to as travels to give the impression of it being less frivolous and more educated. In other words- more history, less drinking).

And in the footsteps of the past me that has declared the same thing multiple times and failed miserably most times and less miserably other times, I have decided to work harder on my blog. Fret not, dear readers! All your miseries shall end, for, I have decided to update this blog EVERYDAY. Yes, you heard that right- EVERYDAY. Like a dose of morning coffee that gives you nausea, like an early morning jog in a park filled with dog shit, this blog will be a part of your daily routine in ways you never thought possible ( and didnt really want, honestly)

But wait, this was supposed to be a career post no? YOU !!*angrily shakes fist at ADHD* 

Where did the weekend go?

"When you are eighty, it seems like you have breakfast every five minutes" said some old guy (I think) 

You must agree that time is flying faster as you grow older. Ever remember thinking "wow where did all thse months go" while you were in school? Now it seems as if you just got used to writing 2014 in cheque books and its already time to start changing to 2015. What has changed from then? You still have 12 months every year. and 7 days every week. Why do some of these days whiz past with no trace of them ever having been there? 

The answer lies in one word: Memories. 

When you were young, you were doing new things and you were making memories. And the days seemed longer. As you have grown older, without memories to mark your time, it seems like its all one big blur. You will be able to attest to this with your own weekdays. They remain indistinguishable from one another-your brain doesnt think it worthy enough to secure a space. 

In contrast, think of your vacations-If you have done different things on holiday, you can vouch for the fact that on a Friday, your Monday looks soo far behind, suuch a loong time back and quite a distance away new things done and  the new memories accumulated have occupied a substantial space in your brain. And by definition, the more memories you accumulate in your mental drawer, the longer the time seems. 

There, your simple way to stop time whoosh past you. Stop. Do new things. Do things that are rememberable. Until the lab coats figure out how to transfer your brain to a computer so you can immortalise yourself, this is the only possible way of extending your life. 

Face your fears while traveling. Literally

"Oh my god oh my god oh my gooood Geeee" I clutched G's hand in utter panic as I saw my nemesis just a few feet ahead of me. I was in Plitvice, dammit, supposedly one of the most beautiful places in the world.  I was not prepared for this. I had not traveled halfway across the world to unexpectedly stumble upon the one for whom I had harboured a deep mix of fear, hatred and revulsion for as long as I can remember.

The snail, for its part stared insipidly, presumably unmindful of the stuttering panicking creature a few feet away.

Yes, all that drama was for a snail.Amongst my earliest memories is one of me running inside my house in abject fear of a snail that had found its way to our house. Wherefrom I developed this fear is not entirely clear- though some investigations point to my very elder-sisterly elder sister who, possibly used fear to establish her authority over me. And to this day I remain extremely disgusted and repulsed, and scared even though the rational part of my brain knows that its irrational. And this fear is so deeprooted that I involuntarily wince and flinch when I am unexpectedly shown a picture of a snail.

I explained all this to G while carefully walking on the road, my hypersensitive brain detecting more snails in the foliage on the side of the road. G was understanding but baffled at my apparent preference to get killed by walking on the road rather than step on the sidewalk. We managed to reach the guesthouse where we were planning to stay the night, to wake up early next morning to go to the National park.

There was nothing to do except sit in the room as it was raining outside ( which was what brought the wretched creatures out in the first place) so I spent the evening contemplating if I had let these nondescript molluscs ruin what was possibly the prettiest place I would see the whole of the trip. ( For those who do not have an irrational fear of things (curd, cheese, cows, whatever) you would never understand this post. Also, you are incredibly lucky. What the rest of us experience when we see the objects of our fear cannot be really explained in words- Imagine a cyst or a tumor in your body filled with hair and teeth. Imagine touching that with your bare hands. You are able to fathom some disgust level? Good. Multiply that by 1000). I could imagine my mom mocking me and imagine my friends laughing about this misadventure. Thats when I decided that I wouldnt let it happen. I would try and ignore them. Lets see what happens.

Next morning, I wore two pairs of socks- I dont know how that extra layer was supposed to protect me- Rationality in the presence of snails has never been my forte . As soon as we entered, it was clear that the park was mercifully free of snails.  Soon after, we had to cross a brilliantly underhyped "flooded trail". The water was ankle-deep so the rational thing to do was to remove shoes and walk. But I wasnt having any of the rational nonsense that day. Sure, the park was 8km away from the snail colony we had seen, but hell, animals have crossed seas and colonised islands. Given infinite time, 8km  was nothing for a particularly determined snail. No, I would walk the flooded trail with my shoes and two pairs of socks. We finished it without incident and I forgot about it.

The next day, we were exploring some small towns and G spotted a bush which she thought was lavender, pulled a small leaf and invited me to smell it. I calmly stepped back and told G " I am not coming any closer, there is a snail there" ( of course, g hadnt seen it.) I was overjoyed. I hadnt flinched, jumped or panicked. Maybe I had overcome my snail fear!

Yes! Yes! YES!!

A week after  the trip I was at home watching cartoons with my one year old niece and a new cartoon called "Dreams of speed" started. As soon as the protagonist came on screen, I screeched, winced and closed my eyes.  I realised that my fear was still intact. So much for my rejoicing.

As they say.. Whatever happens in Croatia, stays in Croatia, unfortunately! 

May you live in interesting times. So interesting that you become speechless.

The worst case of a writers block is when it afflicts one who wasnt a writer in the first place.

Just a while back I was able to construct meaningful sentences, string enough of them together into a paragraph and patch a couple of those together on to a blog post. It didnt invoke great tears of joy from those reading it, but thankfully it didnt inspire disgusting bouts of vomitting either.

Into this uneventful world, entered the villian- diguised in the form of a trip.

It was all fun and games- the trip high, the not thinking of the life ( or the very apparent lack of one) back home, new people, new places and all sorts of things I had not experienced before. And I came back thinking that the trip has been fodder for a great number of  posts.

How wrong I turned out to be.

Instead of churning out post after post , I got into a state of restlessness and thoughtlessness.  As if my brain had built a wall which didnt allow thoughts to cross over into that place where they get converted to sentences. Even if I struggled and gathered a bunch of haphazard thoughts, they immediately dispersed as if a gale had blown over them and I was left empty headed.

I stayed in this half-awake state for quite a while- coming up with titles or topics to write about without being able grasp the contents which,  I was certain, were lurking in some corner of my brain. This was spilling over into my reading as well. I was inclining toward short  hollow articles over difficult books, my attention span shrunk to the levels of today's 7 year olds on a special diet of ipad and cartoons. And that is why blog post is what it is.

But this is not the way its supposed to go.

Especially because in my fantasy which at some point I hope to real-ise, I make money by writing. I dont belong to any place, I dont own any possessions, I travel to wherever I feel like and write for a living. Of course I use the words money and writing loosely- to mean anything from 20$, and anything from an essay for aspiring undergrads to the content for the website of a company selling spare-parts.

If this one trip has numbed my brain, I can only assume that lifelong travel is going to cripple my writing hand.

The best laid plans of men, I tell you..

Things I have changed my mind about

I have written about this before, theluxury to change your mind is one of the greatest favours you can do to yourself.  Here is a list of things I have changed my mind about.

1. Peeing on the roads: I used to get very angry with people who would simply stop anywhere and pee all over the place. I was amongst the outraged " How dare he" "Does he not have any civic sense" etc etc. But the more I visit places and think about it I ahve realised that for most people there are no other options- There arent enough public toilets, some people have to be on the road all day ( drivers, postmen etc) and at some point you have to let it out.

2.Chetan Bhagat : Like almost everyone else I know, I was a vociferous CB hater. But then I realised that he has made the best out of the absolute lack of talent and a great marketing bent of mind. And he isnt ashamed of it. Nor should he be. So my feelings for CB have gone from outright hatred to grudging acceptance sprinkled with small amounts of jealousy ( What? I would love to have been the one who made millions writing a book despite being consistently mediocre)

3. Atheism and theism: Have always been an atheist and I used to look at terribly religious people and wonder whats wrong with them. Now I am still an atheist, but I see great value in religion- the fear of God and a general sense of morality which religion confers and the presence of hope without which we would be doomed as a society. (I do sometimes wish I was a believer, because its just so much easier to lay the blame on someone and ask them to handle it for you, than taking it all upon yourself)

4. Saibaba: Even before I became an atheist I had long renounced vocally, all the godmen who promised all kinds of heaven on earth for the unsuspecting masses. Saibaba was then for me, an easy one to hate- his supposedly magical powers to cure the sick, his ability to materialsie vibuthi with a swipe of his hand and what not. But he has done a lot of good for the society- He did bring the Krishna water to Chennai ( presumably with a swipe of his hand ;) ) and he has built a hospital and educational institutions, all of which I truly respect. I am beginning to think he knew what he was doing and the only way to make groups of people donate money, follow him and to generally support him is by invoking the divinity in him. Either way- respect.

5. Travel: I am quite ashamed to admit that I was a fan of luxury travel. I cant be farther from that stand now so much so that my daydreams involve shoestring trips. I will leave it at that to hit myself for not going on exchange in my second year

6.FB status updates: I used to think that its an attention seeking activity performed by people who are so insecure that they need validation from the world that their life is exciting and everyone is envious of them. These days... gah who am I kidding, I still think the same and cant wait to trash them. I dont miss an opportunity to make fun of that habit and  console myslef that my life isnt as pathetic as it does seem when compared to their FB lives. Anyhow, so i am not going to change my stance on that one.
Atleast not right now.

What have you changed your mind about? 

Why we believe in the supernatural, godmen, the paranormal etc

The Infinite monkey cage is an extremely witty irreverent discussion hosted by the hilarious Robin Ince and the delectable Brian Cox. And in one of their discussions they touched upon a very beautiful point of uncertainty and control.

Humans hate uncertainty. Very few of us can thrive in an uncertain setting for long and we love to believe that we have control on whats happening around us. And when we lose someone important to us we hate to believe that we dont know whats happening with them and if some conman convinces you into accepting tio talk to your loved one, you will gladly fall for it despite being  scientific minded otherwise.
And same is the case with the multiple homams that godmen make people perform. To say that "Its because your ancestors are unhappy taht your son is falling sick" attributes a reason and thus something we can do something about and control, as compared to " sometimes shit happens". Instead of sitting simply we believe that we are actively doing something about the problem and that accords us a grip on the whole situation. This is always preferred over the whole " we are just pawns in the game of fate".

The same thing is true for multiple things- You were involved in a car accident because you had committed some sins in your past birth and now you are absolved of it sounds more soothing than " its was just a random occurrence, could have been anyone. Accepting that the universe is random and that you have to make the best of what it throws is not as easy as typing it. We always look for other solid reasons to know why this happened to us, what we can do so that it doesn't happen again etc.

And ghosts emerge from the lack of knowledge of what happens after death. To say that we just stop existing seems unacceptable to most of us so we fabricate stories about people continuing to exist after death and whats more, routinely visiting their past lives.

Thats what it ultimately comes down to. Your ability to handle uncertainty is inversely proportional to your belief in astrology, psychics, and other similar phenomenon.  Think about it- Is it easier to believe that someone voodoo conspried to make you hit the car, or to rationally wonder whether it was just a matter of probability?