How to be Awesome.

Why does self-help always get such a bad rap? Why are people so eager to proclaim that they dont read self-help books or that they have only used "How to win friends and infleunce people" as a paperweight? Its like a status thing- like the anti-apple. You portray that you are this kind of a person by vehemently denying any association with something. I can understand when mega serials, astrology and some weird thing like udayanidi stalin get this kind of a reaction. But to cast self-help books in the same category as megaserials is baffling.

I would understand this if people picked certain self-help guys and said " Oh that guy is terrible, i will never read any of his books" but too many people proclaim "Oh, self-help books are terrible I would never read them" . Maybe some say that because they are too bored to read and know that they wouldnt implement them anyway, but the tones of a lot of people indicate that they dont need a self help book, because they have really got everything they need.

Yes, I assume these people are born leaders, friendly yet stern when required, never procrastinate, never hold grudges, are extremely disciplined and organised , have never watched a single SRK movie in their lives-you know perfect human beings. Yet I find that hard to believe. The same is true of people who never admit to a single error of judgement in the past. Whats more likely-being so perfect that no mistake was made or being so deluded that you continue believing its right?

(And scarily enough, same is true of people who seek therapists assistance in order to help themselves. The amount of stigma attached to it is saddening as much as it is mind boggling. Why would you judge someone who goes to a doctor to feel better? Why is it such a  bad thing to admit that you are not in the best of places mentally and you want that to change? Why do we insist on calling these people pejoratives when there is no clear reason for us to ? Depression is as much a clinical condition as cancer. While cancer is seen as intervention of fate, depression is somehow considered the victim's fault)

I love self-help books. I might not follow most of the things I read but I love to read about it and imagine doing those things. if nothing it helps remind me that there is a huge scope for improvement in my life. I consider reading blogs of unconventional non-conformists in the category of self-help because I feel so thrilled and motivated and inspired when I read those.

Here..The Art of Non Conformity. Help yourself. 

Things I have changed my mind about

I have written about this before, theluxury to change your mind is one of the greatest favours you can do to yourself.  Here is a list of things I have changed my mind about.

1. Peeing on the roads: I used to get very angry with people who would simply stop anywhere and pee all over the place. I was amongst the outraged " How dare he" "Does he not have any civic sense" etc etc. But the more I visit places and think about it I ahve realised that for most people there are no other options- There arent enough public toilets, some people have to be on the road all day ( drivers, postmen etc) and at some point you have to let it out.

2.Chetan Bhagat : Like almost everyone else I know, I was a vociferous CB hater. But then I realised that he has made the best out of the absolute lack of talent and a great marketing bent of mind. And he isnt ashamed of it. Nor should he be. So my feelings for CB have gone from outright hatred to grudging acceptance sprinkled with small amounts of jealousy ( What? I would love to have been the one who made millions writing a book despite being consistently mediocre)

3. Atheism and theism: Have always been an atheist and I used to look at terribly religious people and wonder whats wrong with them. Now I am still an atheist, but I see great value in religion- the fear of God and a general sense of morality which religion confers and the presence of hope without which we would be doomed as a society. (I do sometimes wish I was a believer, because its just so much easier to lay the blame on someone and ask them to handle it for you, than taking it all upon yourself)

4. Saibaba: Even before I became an atheist I had long renounced vocally, all the godmen who promised all kinds of heaven on earth for the unsuspecting masses. Saibaba was then for me, an easy one to hate- his supposedly magical powers to cure the sick, his ability to materialsie vibuthi with a swipe of his hand and what not. But he has done a lot of good for the society- He did bring the Krishna water to Chennai ( presumably with a swipe of his hand ;) ) and he has built a hospital and educational institutions, all of which I truly respect. I am beginning to think he knew what he was doing and the only way to make groups of people donate money, follow him and to generally support him is by invoking the divinity in him. Either way- respect.

5. Travel: I am quite ashamed to admit that I was a fan of luxury travel. I cant be farther from that stand now so much so that my daydreams involve shoestring trips. I will leave it at that to hit myself for not going on exchange in my second year

6.FB status updates: I used to think that its an attention seeking activity performed by people who are so insecure that they need validation from the world that their life is exciting and everyone is envious of them. These days... gah who am I kidding, I still think the same and cant wait to trash them. I dont miss an opportunity to make fun of that habit and  console myslef that my life isnt as pathetic as it does seem when compared to their FB lives. Anyhow, so i am not going to change my stance on that one.
Atleast not right now.

What have you changed your mind about? 

Why we believe in the supernatural, godmen, the paranormal etc

The Infinite monkey cage is an extremely witty irreverent discussion hosted by the hilarious Robin Ince and the delectable Brian Cox. And in one of their discussions they touched upon a very beautiful point of uncertainty and control.

Humans hate uncertainty. Very few of us can thrive in an uncertain setting for long and we love to believe that we have control on whats happening around us. And when we lose someone important to us we hate to believe that we dont know whats happening with them and if some conman convinces you into accepting tio talk to your loved one, you will gladly fall for it despite being  scientific minded otherwise.
And same is the case with the multiple homams that godmen make people perform. To say that "Its because your ancestors are unhappy taht your son is falling sick" attributes a reason and thus something we can do something about and control, as compared to " sometimes shit happens". Instead of sitting simply we believe that we are actively doing something about the problem and that accords us a grip on the whole situation. This is always preferred over the whole " we are just pawns in the game of fate".

The same thing is true for multiple things- You were involved in a car accident because you had committed some sins in your past birth and now you are absolved of it sounds more soothing than " its was just a random occurrence, could have been anyone. Accepting that the universe is random and that you have to make the best of what it throws is not as easy as typing it. We always look for other solid reasons to know why this happened to us, what we can do so that it doesn't happen again etc.

And ghosts emerge from the lack of knowledge of what happens after death. To say that we just stop existing seems unacceptable to most of us so we fabricate stories about people continuing to exist after death and whats more, routinely visiting their past lives.

Thats what it ultimately comes down to. Your ability to handle uncertainty is inversely proportional to your belief in astrology, psychics, and other similar phenomenon.  Think about it- Is it easier to believe that someone voodoo conspried to make you hit the car, or to rationally wonder whether it was just a matter of probability?

In defence of the fake.

Original. The word has great value. It means you were the first one to come up with something or it could mean that the world saw yours first. Either way, the value is about hundred times that of the non-original. Fake, on the other hand is its much unloved cousin.  Its cheap and dirty, lives on the by-lanes, sneaks up unsuspected and runs off with the money intended for the original.

It is all so grossly unfair.

Picasso is considered a genius because of his ability to paint. Someone else paints just as well and has painted the same things as him, and his works are indistinguishable from Picasso. But one is considered a master and the other a forger and a scamster purely because they were separated by a few centuries. ( yes, I understand that he was trying to cheat and imitate, but am talking about the basics) Why isnt some random guy's water lilies valued in billions if it looks like the water lilies that Monet was looking at when he painted his? Are we not paying for the beauty of water lilies looking like water lilies? Are we instead paying for the idea? Art collectors and investors would like to tell you that there can be value only when no one else has it. But we started collecting art in order to make ourselves happy. If the only thing that can make you happy is the fact that no one else has it, your problems go deeper than can be solved by a piece of art hanging on your wall.

A similar reasoning can be applied in the case of fashion brands as well. If it looks like Gucci, smells like Gucci, is as durable as Gucci, it is as good as a Gucci even if you pay one tenth of the price.  When brand name implies quality I can understand paying a premium but in most cases we pay just for the brand name. In which case what gives you happiness is not the bag itself but merely the fact that you are possessing one. You are paying for a mental value than a physical utility.

Let me tell you again, this is a scam. A scam run by companies who want you paying more, who do not want you to see whats real, who do not want you to just be happy with the basics. They create random needs you do not have and then make you feel inadequate when you do not fulfil them. What else can be a reason for the existence of so many ridiculuously priced luxury brand of watches? How much value can you extract from a watch for you to pay lakhs and lakhs?

I know I sound like some conspiracy theorist who claims that aliens are running our planet and deluding us into living in this hamster wheel while they amass all our resources but I am not that stupid. All I am claiming is that some earthlings are running our planet and deluding us into living in this hamster wheel while they amass all our resources. 

Patriotism is the new religion

Don’t get me wrong based on the title. ( Only after reading the post are you allowed to throw stones at me and call me anti-national) . I am as patriotic as the next person. Which is to say that I dislike Pakistan during cricket matches, discuss politics fervently during election time and pay my taxes. I like my country and want to be here for the rest of my life, but that’s hardly patriotism- its more a matter of convenience.  But I am fundamentally apatriotic when it comes to it- I am not emotionally attached to the idea of countries and laying your life for them.

Sure, I agree it is a matter of convenience that blocks of land are governed by distinct bodies. And I am not naïve enough to think that a Micronesian tribal village is the same as an Italian village. But for people to kill people of neighbouring countries for the sake of land seems so beyond me, despite the fact that both are soldiers fighting for their own country.  We are all in our designated countries purely by chance. History could have dictated it any other way. Rajasthan and Gujarat could have been a part of Pakistan, South india could have been a different country along with Srilanka- the possibilities are endless. And we would have been loyal to those countries then. Therefore, it seems stupid to me to sacrifice your life to safeguard the idea or a concept or a group you are a part of , purely by chance.  Sounds familiar?

Religion, while not exactly the same,  has many similar features. You are part of a group your parents are a part of  probably, you believe in its ideals and visions and you are ready to kill someone who is opposed to this view. And that’s what I hate about religion and patriotism- That we are so brazen about killing someone and make them heroes for doing so.  Killing is generally unacceptable in regular society- you are a murderer , but in a different context , you are made a hero- Why? So what if the person killed is a Pakistani?  He is not evil, he has a family back home and he is as much a loving father and son as you probably are. Just because he made the mistake of being born in Pakistan ( which would have been your country had things been slightly different) you are OK with him being dead? But you are not OK with killing someone from Rajasthan, are you?

I am in no way trivializing those people who are sacrificing their lives so I can sit comfortably in my home writing this post. I am merely sad that they have to. I soo wish they had the luxury of sitting at home thinking of useless stuff. Sad that people have to put themselves at risk because two governing bodies cant figure out how to co-exist. That they still behave like tribal clans- killing and looting in order to survive. We are way past that stage now, aren’t we?  We are not putting soldiers between states in an attempt to protect our states from the neighbours ( Karnataka would do it, given a chance, though :D )  Why cant we have that kind of maturity amongst countries?

I am not saying that we all merge into one big blob and be ruled by some world ruler. We can still continue economic discussions and trade discussions and still try and do whats best for your country. But this needless killing can stop? No? 

PS: I understand fully well that at this point its impossible to stop military exercise. It would mean that the other country has to come to the same conclusion. This is a post in an ideal world. I am allowed to fantasise about that, arent I?